Hello, Sarah.

I'm compelled to reply to you here, as you didn't leave an email address. (Actually, I think I can work out your email address by following an Internet trail with my vast mind - you come from Indiana, am I right? - but I can't be sure of it, and I don't wish to risk emailing another, random, woman.) Anyway, I'm sure the Guardian does have some of the things I've written for it at its site, but I don't know where, and do know that I can't be bothered to look. Also, I'm aware that the people who transfer things from the paper to the web must be of the opinion that italics aren't important, as they completely discard them. This is not just very annoying, it is, in fact, very annoying. So, even if I knew where they archived the articles, I wouldn't say until the Guardian's web people have grasped what <i>this</i> means.

Nevertheless, if you really do want to read them, I have a couple of articles hanging around here, which I've uploaded, OK?

Christmas Presents
If you're the Sarah that I think you are, then you're on the Mailing List. You'll remember that in one of the Mailing List Mails I talked about an Amsterdam-style, bondage incident I had with a photographer - the photographs she was taking at the time were to accompany this feature.

Just a recent piece I did for the Parents section in G2. (G2 is a Guardian pull-out - though I'm sure that, if you are in Indiana, you'll already be aware of this.)

Ten Things Women Should Know About Men
Gah. "10 Things." When journalism finally dies, on its tombstone will be written "10 Things That Led to This. 1)..." The "10 Things" plague is the apotheosis of the notion that it doesn't really matter what you write, or how you write it, so long as it's undemandingly nibble-sized: writing aimed full out at the lucrative demographic of 20-35 year olds with a reasonable disposable income and Attention Deficit Disorder. You know the kind of person who constantly forwards "10 Things" emails to you - "10 Things You Only Do When You're Drunk", "10 Things That Make Beer Better Than Women", "10 Things I Will Drive Into Your Eye Sockets If You Send Me Another 10 Things Email", etc., etc.? Well, Sarah, that person could now run a magazine. Gah. Still, I have two young children and I am therefore more than happy to swallow my shame if asked to do a "10 Things" piece that will pay for a couple of new school trousers. Even the added humiliation of being told to make it "Ten Things That Women Should Know About Men" I will bear without the slightest giveaway flicker of agony passing across my face as, inside, my soul dies of horror. I am the best father ever. (This piece was in Marie Claire, incidentally.)